James 1
King James Version (KJV)
3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
Hello all, I know it's been a while, but I am back! Please if you are following me, keep following me. If you're not following me, please follow me...I promise you GOD has some things HE wants to share with you that you will no longer feel alone in your struggle. Also that your hope may be established again in HIM. You're FATHER loves you and I know becasue HE loves me too. Read on.....
I was inspired today to share this experience of my journey..remember transparency and raw...so don't look down on me because WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?...
Today I was listening to a man who said "I'M NOT A BUM. I'M A HUMAN BEING!" Someone posted his story on facebook and immediately something began to move in my belly. I don't look down on no one, but at one point in my life, I could see me not eagered to help as I am now. Follow me you will understand....(maybe you have wrestled with this same problem, but I tell you to give until it hurts, because you never know it could be you one day...)
I think it was in the summer of 2000. My oldest was 7(Chris) and my baby was 3(Jacorey) and my chips fell hard. I was working, but I wasn't making enough to get by. I borrowed from my family and friends..pride stopped me from getting any government assistance because I promised myself I wasn't going to go through the system to provide for my family. ..I was abled bodied and I worked...HARD!
So how many of you know without having the ends meeting something was about to go down that I've never experienced before in my life?
Borrowing money started to build up when I couldn't pay it all back...LORD what am I going to do? Three year old in daycare and now having to put the seven year old in summer camp...where was the money coming from? Y'all I ended up homeless. Yes, homeless with two small children. I was broke, disappointed, shame, and confused. Where was I going to live?
Now this was my low...so I thought! I was asked to leave the place I was staying because I couldn't afford it by people I went to church with! Stop bucking your eyes and close your mouth...yes, my brother and sister in CHRIST ASKED ME TO PACK UP AND MOVE. Now before you began to judge, keep reading...
I thought it couldn't get any worse.....(think again)...business floated around the church and I was never confronted personally nor helped by those naysayers, but my character was being put on trial....in the words of my brother, "I'm not a BUM! I'm a human being!" Now LORD really what am I going to do? Can't run to the church? Home is 3 hours away..money low....what am I going to do?
Who would have thought...I worked at a summer camp that summer and my kids were able to attend half price...things looking up...sure, but there was still a problem...NO PLACE TO STAY. I can remember a few people opening their doors to me, but I wouldn't let my kids stay..I would always stay, but let them stay with their dad. Trying to keep things from them and I did for the most part.
How many of you know I cried when they were not watching? How many of you know how low I was in my spirit? How many of you know my prayers took on different meaning than what they meant before? How many of you know I was angry at myself, their dad, the church, and GOD? Have you been here or are you here now? Read on.....
I remember going to my hometown every week when I got my paycheck to get in my mom's lap and just cry. She(RIP BJT) was always there for me to run to, but it didn't make it better because I dreaded coming back to Desoto County on Sundays. So I took a deep hard look at my situation and prayed! One prayer I remember was "GOD, YOU know where I am and YOU knew I was going to be here...so HELP ME understand and go through this process! YOU said YOU would never leave me nor forsake me...YOU said that so I'm holding YOU to what YOU said...deliver us! We need a place to stay!"
Now in between different people's homes, I decided I would take my money, save some, and stay in a hotel because I missed kissing my kids good night. I stopped traveling back and forth home to my mom because GOD said that if I trusted HIM with my life, then I had to trust HIM without me trying to spare my feelings...that hit somebody there!! just say "Ouch!" and keep on going...(See I was in a safe place. A place which I was comfortable and loved. Nothing wrong with that...yes, it is when GOD is trying to take me from glory to glory!...was skipping out on the place that was molding me THE CHURCH in which I was attending..) Keep reading...
How many of you know that kids are so innocent...while we are trying to cover them from the hardship, they are looking at that thing as a vacation. Staying in a hotel made my kids think we were vacationing...why because when do you normally stay in a hotel....on vacation...lol They had no clue!
Summer was approaching an end and I was desperate for a place before school started back...didn't want my kids to say we were still on vacation because we were living in a hotel. So the church I was working at had no clue I was homeless..why because I came to work everyday, on time, and worked diligently. SN Don't allow your situation to dictate how your life flows...YOU REPRESENT YOUR CREATOR! It could have been that and pride.."I don't want nobody to know nothing!" One day, I was late and called to the office to speak with the Pastor...oh man! I had to tell him what I didn't want him to know, but in doing so, my blessing came!
Who would have thought...I was homeless(not to the extreme of having to live under bridges or on the street, but without my own with two small kids)? Who would have thought...I would have to sacrifice kissing my kids good night and giving them their baths because I was trying to shield them from the shame that I failed them? Who would have thought...I would be angry with GOD for allowing this to happen? Who would have thought...
I wouldn't have and neither did some of GOD'S best people who are still homeless. GOD delivered me because HE had to prepare me for the multitude. If I hadn't gone through failure, homelessness, without comfort, no money to pay the bills, humility, disgrace, and angry, I would not be able to relate to the multitude HE had lined up along my path to reach. I'm not ashamed to share my story because somebody needs to know you're not alone in this fight and GOD hasn't forgotten about you! My experience was a summer, yours maybe months or years, but whatever it maybe...don't give up on GOD because HE won't give up on you!
Who would have thought...I wouldn't have, but GOD did!
SN: To all my people in the struggle TRUST GOD!
You see the glory, but you don't know the story! Now I can say to the sister and brother who told me to pack up....Thank you! and to the church that put my character on trial...Thank you! and to my HEAVENLY FATHER...IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR YOU BEING ON MY SIDE WHERE WOULD I BE!
After that summer, I have been blessed to be a blessing!
