It's been nailed to the cross!!!!

Colossians 2:11-15 MSG

Entering into this fullness is not something you figure out or achieve. It’s not a matter of being circumcised or keeping a long list of laws. No, you’re already in —insiders—not through some secretive initiation rite but rather through what Christ has already gone through for you, destroying the power of sin. If it’s an initiation ritual you’re after, you’ve already been through it by submitting to baptism. Going under the water was a burial of your old life; coming up out of it was a resurrection, God raising you from the dead as he did Christ. When you were stuck in your old sin-dead life, you were incapable of responding to God. God brought you alive—right along with Christ! Think of it! All sins forgiven, the slate wiped clean, that old arrest warrant canceled and nailed to Christ’s cross. He stripped all the spiritual tyrants in the universe of their sham authority at the Cross and marched them naked through the streets.


How many of us have a past? (RAISE YOUR HAND!!)

Now, how many of us have some things that we pray Will not resurface? Have you loss sleep because of it? Has the enemy tried to paralyze you with it? Are you questioning your worthiness, ability to be more than a conqueror, ability in moving to the next level of your life, etc...

Hold on don't give in to fear because your past has been wiped clean...how do I know because GOD'S WORD said, "It's been nailed to the CROSS!!!"

I have a past that recently reared it's ugly head & I almost threw in the towel....BUT GOD!!! I realized that GOD had cleaned my slate, but the world wants to keep me bound!  Somebody say, "It's been nailed to the CROSS!!"

My story may set another sister/brother free!

SO HERE GOES EVERYTHING....

It was 2002, single Mom trying to make a better life for me & my two boys(Chris 8 & Jacorey 4). I was back in school and was determined to finish. This particular Friday I was going to school to take my final English Comp exam, but there was a problem....I DIDN'T HAVE A BABYSITTER. I had a decision to make...school was 15-20 mins away & I was just going to take my test and come straight home..I could leave the kids at home set the alarm and lock the storm door(thinking the boys will be ok just for a few minutes)!

The HOLY SPIRIT was sending  off an alarm in my belly, but I didn't yield to HIS voice.

I decided to leave them and rush to school, but before I could get to school, I had the wind knocked out of me(like someone had punched me in my belly and it was just me in the car)...ding ding ding THE HOLY SPIRIT WAS WARNING ME!!! & I knew it, but I didn't listen.

10 mins into class, I was asked to come out because someone was looking for me...The police were there. I almost lost it, but made it home without wrecking or hyperventilating.

Arrived home and 2 cop cars were in my yard!!!! LORD WHAT I HAVE DONE? 

I rushed to the door to be stopped by a rude cop...."This is quiet neighborhood & they don't need trouble living here!" What? I'm crying wanting to get to my babies...he finally said that they were fine. They were in the cop's car terrified....WHAT HAVE I DONE?

The HOLY SPIRIT was WARNING ME that as soon as I drove out of the driveway, my 8 year old had opened the door which set the alarm off.  I had no way of knowing because the storm door was locked or I would have seen him.

Long story short, I was arrested for child neglect. No no no I'm a good momma. I was just trying to go to school and better my family's life. Oh GOD!! But because I didn't yield to the HOLY SPIRIT, I was in handcuffs and was in the County jail for 35 mins(It seemed like a life time!)

To bring this home today, never in a million years did I think this would come back to hinder me after all these years, but it did. Now what I want to say is that it hasn't stopped me, but it did test my faith. I found out that I haven't arrived and I can't do nothing by myself. If I didn't have two particular friends loving & praying for me & a sister that spoke LIFE back into me, I would be one beat up CHRISTIAN. See GOD allowed me to experience this thing again to know I'm not my own & I need HIM.

Know this... your past is just that...YOUR PAST!!! You're no longer guilty..SN: If you've accepted JESUS CHRIST as your LORD & SAVIOR! All sins forgiven, the slate wiped clean, that old arrest warrant canceled and nailed to Christ’s cross!

My friend said something that saved me from committing a sin with my mouth...She said, "This makes me appreciate you more because you're real...a human." **crazy face..I had been seen as Ms.Holier than thou** I'm not GOD! Matter fact on my best days, I'm no more than a filthy rag...had to be brought to my senses...

YOU(I) have a past, but your(my) past doesn't have you(me).

My prayer is to keep it real, trust somebody, & always depend & listen to the HOLY SPIRIT! HE LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO PROTECT YOU.

Now if you are struggling with your past failures, today GOD SAYS, ."YOUR SLATE IS CLEAN!" You are forgiven. Now forgive yourself. Walk into the next level of blessing because guess what HE KNOWS THE THOUGHTS HE THINKS TOWARD YOU. THOUGHTS  OF PEACE & NOT EVIL..TO GIVE YOU HOPE & AN EXPECTANT END!! Get up and praise HIM..not for what you see, but for what you don't!

SN: My sons are 19 & 15. Holding down two jobs & starting his second year in college Chris) & honor roll student & headed his student body for 4 years as Class President(Jacorey)! I'm blessed!

NO MORE SHAME!!

This is my life in snippets! You are  going to have to buy my book when I finish to get it all.

Tired..Broken..Confused

I know it seems like it's been forever, but I'm going to get all of this goodness out of me..one way or another!! Here goes everything....

I try to encourage so many that I forget GOD LOVES ME TOO!!! I want to speak to the hearts of the people who give until they have given out!!!!

Have you ever found yourself in a battle that seemed unending? How about you've prayed and praised but to no avail? After doing all you were humanly possibly could do, you stood and stood and stood...ok NOW COMES THE QUESTIONING BUT GOD WHY.....

Stay with me

A few more questions...Have you ever helped another sister/brother/friend when they were in a battle? Have you ever prayed for a sister/brother/friend to see GOD move immediately on their behalf? And what about if it took a while to come to pass, you stood and stood with him/her encouraging him/her to WAIT ON THE LORD! 

I know..... if you can't say a word, just wave your hands!!! JESUS

Text: Acts 9:36-41

Now let me break this down as briefly as I can: 

In Joppa was a disciple named Tabitha(Greek Dorcas) which meant gazelle. SN: a gazelle is an animal who will take off in full speed 60 miles per hour or move at a steady pace of 30 miles per hour. 

Now with that being established, Tabitha was a "Giver from her heart!!" She went full speed feeding and caring for the widows, taking care of the sick, giving her time to the orphans and on top of that she ran her own clothing business. Any of this sounds familiar? If I can bring it home, she took care of everything and everybody BUT herself! Scripture doesn't say that she had a family, but if she did, she was giving constantly and running on empty..JESUS!!

THE WORD OF GOD says that she had given so "she got sick and died"....just gave out! Now the story didn't end there, but I'm going to end there with this... When you've given all you can give, then let go!!! Don't think that it's your place to make it happen. If you can trust GOD to give you enough strength to help the next person, believe in HIM enough to give you strength to provide your every need. You are worth HIS LOVE AND HIS BLESSINGS! Trust GOD enough to know that HE will not leave you empty to the point there is no more to give or that there is no more life in you!! 

TIRED BROKEN CONFUSED....STOP & REFOCUS

SAY, "I CAN'T DO IT BY MYSELF! I NEED HELP! NO! NOT TODAY, IT CAN WAIT! "

Now say, "I AM WORTH GOD'S BLESSINGS! WHAT I ASK IN JESUS' NAME & BELIEVE I WILL RECEIVE! GOD LOVES ME, TOO!"

You (I) were not put on this earth to do it alone! Rest in JESUS!

Dear Father, I trust you with my life. I ask that you forgive me for thinking I can do it on my own. I can't! I need YOU! Give me wisdom to know when enough is enough. Give me knowledge to do for others within my means. And FATHER give me understanding to know  I'm not YOU! I want to stay in YOUR PERFECT WILL!! To whom much is given, much is required. Help me to know when YOU'VE given me an assignment and when it's just me wanting to be helpful. Thank you for allowing me another chance. IN THE POWERFUL NAME OF JESUS I PRAY...AMEN! 

Now if you've prayed that prayer, adjust your life to be balanced and productive for the Kingdom! 

To be continued.....

Who would have thought?

James 1

King James Version (KJV)

² My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
³ Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
⁴ But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Hello all, I know it's been a while, but I am back! Please if you are following me, keep following me. If you're not following me, please follow me...I promise you GOD has some things HE wants to share with you that you will no longer feel alone in your struggle. Also that your hope may be established again in HIM. You're FATHER loves you and I know becasue HE loves me too. Read on.....

I was inspired today to share this experience of my journey..remember transparency and raw...so don't look down on me because WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?...

Today I was listening to a man who said "I'M NOT A BUM. I'M A HUMAN BEING!" Someone posted his story on facebook and immediately something began to move in my belly. I don't look down on no one, but at one point in my life, I could see me not eagered to help as I am now. Follow me you will understand....(maybe you have wrestled with this same problem, but I tell you to give until it hurts, because you never know it could be you one day...)

I think it was in the summer of 2000. My oldest was 7(Chris) and my baby was 3(Jacorey) and my chips fell hard. I was working, but I wasn't making enough to get by. I borrowed from my family and friends..pride stopped me from getting any government assistance because I promised myself I wasn't going to go through the system to provide for my family. ..I was abled bodied and I worked...HARD!

So how many of you know without having the ends meeting something was about to go down that I've never experienced before in my life?

Borrowing money started to build up when I couldn't pay it all back...LORD what am I going to do? Three year old in daycare and now having to put the seven year old in summer camp...where was the money coming from?  Y'all I ended up homeless. Yes, homeless with two small children. I was broke, disappointed, shame, and confused. Where was I going to live?

Now this was my low...so I thought! I was asked to leave the place I was staying because I couldn't afford it by people I went to church with! Stop bucking your eyes and close your mouth...yes, my brother and sister in CHRIST ASKED ME TO PACK UP AND MOVE. Now before you began to judge, keep reading...

I thought it couldn't get any worse.....(think again)...business floated around the church and I was never confronted personally nor helped by those naysayers, but my character was being put on trial....in the words of my brother, "I'm not a BUM! I'm a human being!" Now LORD really what am I going to do? Can't run to the church? Home is 3 hours away..money low....what am I going to do?

Who would have thought...I worked at a summer camp that summer and my kids were able to attend half price...things looking up...sure, but there was still a problem...NO PLACE TO STAY. I can remember a few people opening their doors to me, but I wouldn't let my kids stay..I would always stay, but let them stay with their dad. Trying to keep things from them and I did for the most part.

How many of you know I cried when they were not watching? How many of you know how low I was in my spirit? How many of you know my prayers took on different meaning than what they meant before?  How many of you know I was angry at myself, their dad, the church, and GOD? Have you been here or are you here now? Read on.....

I remember going to my hometown every week when I got my paycheck to get in my mom's lap and just cry. She(RIP BJT) was always there for me to run to, but it didn't make it better because I dreaded coming back to Desoto County on Sundays. So I took a deep hard look at my situation and prayed! One prayer I remember was "GOD, YOU know where I am and YOU knew I was going to be here...so HELP ME understand and go through this process! YOU said YOU would never leave me nor forsake me...YOU said that so I'm holding YOU to what YOU said...deliver us! We need a place to stay!"

Now in between different people's homes, I decided I would take my money, save some, and stay in a hotel because I missed kissing my kids good night. I stopped traveling back and forth home to my mom because GOD said that if I trusted HIM with my life, then I had to trust HIM without me trying to spare my feelings...that hit somebody there!! just say "Ouch!" and keep on going...(See I was in a safe place.  A place which I was comfortable and loved. Nothing wrong with that...yes, it is when GOD is trying to take me from glory to glory!...was skipping out on the place that was molding me THE CHURCH in which I was attending..) Keep reading...

How many of you know that kids are so innocent...while we are trying to cover them from the hardship, they are looking at that thing as a vacation. Staying in a hotel made my kids think we were vacationing...why because when do you normally stay in a hotel....on vacation...lol They had no clue!

Summer was approaching an end and I was desperate for a place before school started back...didn't want my kids to say we were still on vacation because we were living in a hotel. So the church I was working at had no clue I was homeless..why because I came to work everyday, on time, and worked diligently. SN Don't allow your situation to dictate how your life flows...YOU REPRESENT YOUR CREATOR! It could have been that and pride.."I don't want nobody to know nothing!" One day, I was late and called to the office to speak with the Pastor...oh man! I had to tell him what I didn't want him to know, but in doing so, my blessing came!

Who would have thought...I was homeless(not to the extreme of having to live under bridges or on the street, but without my own with two small kids)? Who would have thought...I would have to sacrifice kissing my kids good night and giving them their baths because I was trying to shield them from the shame that I failed them? Who would have thought...I would be angry with GOD for allowing this to happen? Who would have thought...

I wouldn't have and neither did some of GOD'S best people who are still homeless. GOD delivered me because HE had to prepare me for the multitude. If I hadn't gone through failure, homelessness, without comfort, no money to pay the bills, humility, disgrace, and angry, I would not be able to relate to the multitude HE had lined up along my path to reach. I'm not ashamed to share my story because somebody needs to know you're not alone in this fight and GOD hasn't forgotten about you! My experience was a summer, yours maybe months or years, but whatever it maybe...don't give up on GOD because HE won't give up on you!

Who would have thought...I wouldn't have, but GOD did!

SN: To all my people in the struggle TRUST GOD!

You see the glory, but you don't know the story! Now I can say to the sister and brother who told me to pack up....Thank you! and to the church that put my character on trial...Thank you! and to my HEAVENLY FATHER...IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR YOU BEING ON MY SIDE WHERE WOULD I BE!

After that summer, I have been blessed to be a blessing!

From a Boy To a Man

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.


To all of the mommies and daddies in the world, there will be a day that our sweet adorable children will grow up to be smartmouthed, know-it-all teenagers and well rounded adults...who will(& I promise you) say these words, "I wish I would have listened to my mom/dad."

I have been going back and forth with how I'm feeling about my eldest flying the coop. lol He has sho' nuff taught me how to pray for hours, cry at the drop of a dime, resight Prov. 22:6 & Epheshian 6: 1-3 while whipping his behind, and rejoice for every accomplishment that makes a mom proud or when he makes grown up decisions that will change his life forever(for the good).He's mine and I wouldn't trade him for the world....From a boy to a man.....

I am going to let you guys into my letter to my eldest:

Dear Chris, when I first laid eyes on you, I fell in love with you! I can honestly say that you were the very first that I'd ever said that I would give my life for. Watching you grow up has brought pain, shame, and pride. Pain....because I knew one day you would no longer need your mom to make decisions, tuck you in, kiss your booboos or cuddle you in my arms for comfort. (tears...because I will always hope that I will always be needed) Shame...because when you came into who you really were, you would say whatever and ask some questions of adults that made us all uncomfortable....also when you would do things against all your Spiritual Upbringing.(tears..because I know that all you have gone through has played a major role in who you have become today) Pride(joy)...because you have overcome so many things that were said that you wouldn't, you have a giving heart, you love your family and GOD, you have a "go get it" spirit, you can find a joke in the worst situations, and you are responsible. (tears..you have done somethings that I was too scared to do, until you said I could...you have shown me that I have instilled in you that you can do all things through CHRIST which strengthens you...YOU ARE MY SON!!) Chris, GOD has given you me temporarily and I pray that I have given you some nuggets that will cause you to live life to the fulliest with HIM in front, beside and behind you. Remember the scripture that has seen you through so many tough issues...Psalm 100! I love you with all that is within me! I'm never too far that you can call and I will come running. From a rough little boy to a wise, gentle, and strongwilled young man...Chris Harper, you have become the young man that I've prayed for and will always pray that you will prosper in all your ways.


My first born is now a man. He is living home to join the Navy. I will miss him, but I know he has made this decision based on him knowing that he needs discipline and focus on achieving a career that will fulfill him not just for today, but for his future. I see him finding many blessings from the decision he has made. When he comes back, he will no longer be the boy I tried to shield from the world, but he will be the man that GOD had tucked in him all along. Giving GOD the glory because I trained him up in HIS WORD and that, that very WORD will become alive to him one day soon.

......from a boy to a man!!!

a piece of a momma's heart

Hide me

Psalm 27:5

King James Version (KJV)

⁵ For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

Dear GOD, if you don't come help me, my outcome is not looking good. Can I please feel a fresh wind today? The very foundation I am standing on seems to be sinking!!! I'm at the point of throwing my hands up & quitting!!! Is there any refuge? Can I go on a little further? I can't show my weakness...LORD IF YOUR LISTENING..." I NEED THEE!!"


Tears go away, but as they flowed the Psalmist came and awakened my spirit...for in the time of trouble he shall hide me!!! I stretched my hand out and surrendered. Today, GOD hide me!!! 

To the man, woman or child who thinks life is too hard & there is no way out...stretch your hand out & say GOD HIDE ME!!! Abide in the shadow of the Almighty!!! Whatever you are going through, just know it's not bigger than my GOD!! I know it seems too simple to work, but just stretch you hand out. HE promised that in your time of trouble HE WOULD HIDE YOU!!! Now your problem may not be like my problem nor the size of mine, but it is a problem!!! Run to OUR DADDY and be swept away in His arms. You're safe there!! I'm safe there!!! Hide us DADDY!! Trouble all around us...HIDE US!!! SLEEPLESS NIGHTS...HIDE US!!! More month than money...HIDE US!!! Children going astray...HIDE US!!! Depression attacking the mind...HIDE US!!! Death and loneliness...HIDE US!! Look as if the good is losing and the bad is winning....HIDE US!!! Marriages on the rocks...HIDE US!!! 

This thang is deeper than just being hidden from trouble...see GOD WILL TAKE YOU FROM YOUR TROUBLE while you are yet going through, but see you are covered by the BLOOD OF THE LAMB!!! In HIS pavilion(covering)...In the secret of HIS tabernacle(place of worship) ....somebody say plenty good room!!! And then HE will allow us to rise above our trouble...and sit us upon a ROCK(a solid foundation...THE LORD IS MY ROCK!!!) STRETCH OUT YOUR HAND & SAY, "GOD, HIDE ME!!"

Be set free in JESUS' name!!!!

Thank YOU LORD!!!! Bless HIS NAME!!!

GARMENT OF PRAISE

Isaiah 61:3

King James Version (KJV)

³ To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Right now I'm reminiscing about the goodness of my DADDY & all I can say is THANK YOU!!! See I know when life gets a little crazy, GOD is on a mission to bless me immeasurably!!! I just gotta say THANK YOU!! 

See when the slightest distraction comes to make me question "WHERE IS GOD IN THIS?", I am reminded HE WAS THERE ALL THE TIME!!! While the enemy was out to kill me, GOD COVERED ME!! Don't get me wrong..I entertained some craziness BUT GOD BLOCKED IT!!! HE WOULDN'T LET IT BE SO!! I had to quickly change my stinking thinking!! 

GOD SAID I WILL LIVE AND NOT DIE!!! Oh somebody needed to hear that!!! Look in the mirror and say it with me, "GOD YOUR WORD SAYS I WILL LIVE AND NOT DIE!!" Now if you believe that, put up the funeral clothes and PUT ON YOUR GARMENT OF PRAISE!!! HALLELUJAH!! Chains are broken right now...yea right that place...be made free today!!  

Starting today, I challenge us to get in the WORD OF GOD & find out what HE says about us!! Then, be crazy enough to believe HIM!! HE can't lie. Be true to yourself!! Take off them funeral clothes & get suited up in your PRAISE ATTIRE!! LOOK THIS IS A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION!! 

YOU SHALL LIVE & NOT DIE!!!

Psalm 118:17

The Message (MSG)

^17-20 I didn’t die. I lived!
    And now I’m telling the world what God did.
God tested me, he pushed me hard,
    but he didn’t hand me over to Death.
Swing wide the city gates—the righteous gates!
    I’ll walk right through and thank God!
This Temple Gate belongs to God,
    so the victors can enter and praise.

Be blessed today & everyday!!

Take 8

Psalm 139:14

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁴ I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

USM the place to be for Jamita....I didn't party like I did at State, though I was still the life of many Christian fellowships. I went to class & excelled. I wasn't trying to hide my usual name, look or be a loner because my "soul knoweth right well"! Nothing & no one was going to stop me now!

SN: When I wasn't worried about being seen or dated, guys came out the woodwork. Alpha, Kappas, Omegas & one of the star football players, but my mind was on the ONE WHO WOULD NEVER LEAVE  ME NOR FORSAKE ME!!! For those of you who feel like you AIN'T got it...believe me you are the one who is rocking it the most!!!

I was ministering to whomever would listen to me and if you listened, at the end I prayed like JESUS was coming the next day. Conviction came and I had another person going to midweek bible study with me. I believe my total was a good 40/50 born again believers..not that I was keeping count, but the young minister who taught our bible study said that he should give me a trophy. Lol 

Evangelizing and didn't even know it!!! Didn't know what GOD'S  plan for me was..but HE knew the plan HE had for me!!! Somebody hold my mule.....

I found my place...I fit in...I have joy...I knew(know) my worth...and I'm not ashamed of my name because my name had been changed to Daughter, Sister, & Christian..I was no longer unusual, but unique. My life was changed!! Hallelujah

How many of you know the test was coming? Lurking in the distance of my future was a test of many to move me from spreading the Gospel of JESUS CHRIST to the unsaved, to going back into a deep dark hole with no way out.

Questions: Have you been on fire for GOD so that you forgot to WATCH as well as PRAY? Did you fail the test when it came? How did you feel? 

Take 9 coming soon

Take 7

Jeremiah 29:11

Today's New International Version (TNIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Well the saga continues.....my life at State had its ups and downs. One thing, I found out that created more problems for me than anything was that I didn't have to go class if I didn't feel like it. Another escape for me not to deal with my uniqueness or people(loner mentality). 

Fast forward....grades in the mail & Brenda Joyce Townsend hits the roof. Academic probation & I had to explain that I had not been going to class. Ughhh..."Momma don't play that!"

Farewell Oh Dear State....hello University of Southern MS..not happy but for a split second, I cherished my life. Lol 

 Ok, I'm experiencing a new outlook...let's see what happens!!!

USM was my changing for the good place. Why you ask? Because I was introduced to some sold out Christians, who were or had experienced some hardships that they too thought they couldn't overcome or fight through......but GOD!!!! 

How many of you know that when you think your  life is over & you have no more fight in you that GOD WILL STEP IN ON TIME!!!??

I, Jamita, realized that she was "fearfully and wonderfully made" by the hands & love of MY DADDY GOD. This scripture came alive in my spirit again, but with a new & bolder outlook & truth! Take hold of your seats people the next Takes will allow you to peek into my heart for real. Though I was still getting to know the Jamita GOD knew, I faced it all with boldness....never to question my worth again.

Questions: Do you believe GOD forgives the backslider? Do you believe there is true life(natural & spiritual) after dying to the ways of your thinking(your flesh)? 

Well if you don't believe that HE FORGIVES THE BACKSLIDER & that there is true life after dying to the flesh, allow my journey to minister to your brokenness & your unbelief! I feel a praise rising in my spirit!! 

Take 8 in the works

Take 6

Jeremiah 29:11

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹¹ For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

Well off to college I go & so not ready, but at least I'm not a virgin(how stupid)!!! I enter college with the mindset that I was going to meet new people and I could be true to myself(hey..nobody knew me...a fresh start!) Could this really be a new start for this unusual young lady? Well Mississippi State University here comes Jamita Renepte Townsend...watch out? 

Remember this young lady was embarking on a whole new outlook on life...what in the world was a new outlook to an old mindset. I told you to have an openmind going through this journey with me. Here goes everything!!!

August of 1991, I stepped onto the campus of MSU with a smile on my face, a strut and sway in my walk, fear in my heart and mind questioning what had I gotten myself into. I was in a battle in my own self. Frankly, Jamita was her own enemy. It hurts to say that I was against my own self...my future, my destiny, my ministry, my beliefs...THE REAL ME!!!

Wooohsaa!!!!...ok Freshman year started off pretty ok, but remember when I said I had become a loner...uhhh yea walked to class alone with my head down and in full stride, loved my roommate, but would have loved her more from a distance(why didn't I get a room by myself....it wasn't her it was me, but I couldn't express that)!! Eventually loss a good friend because of the inner me. 

On a happy note, I became friends with some cool dudes...the brothers of Phi Beta Sigma!! Well this relationship came from one of the brothers spotting me walking across campus...head down and in full stride to class. I was in the Union meeting my roomie and was approached by this tall bald dark chocolate brother wearing his letters from Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity. He said, "Hi, what's your name Miss Lady?" Me, "uhhhh, hi I'm ok!"...girl pull it together your name is not ok...and yes he is talking to you....He laughed and said "Your name is ok really?"  Me, "No..(heehee)..my name is Jamita!"...then I immediately got on the defensive, stood tall and eyes opened wide..like come on with a joke if you think you're bad(LORD HELP ME)! He said, "What a lovely name, for lovely young lady!" Me, "Thanks!"...but really questioning his motives! Still in that place of feeling if I could love and be loved, but in this instance just to have a good conversation without my guard up. Though I was wrestling with my insecurities, I had a big smile on my face...what woman wouldn't looking up at this hottie. Lol

As we talked, he told me that he had been watching me. Huh? LORD IS HE CRAZY? Well, he continued to say why don't you walk with a friend across campus. He said that my head is down and I'm in full speed going to class. "Look up because you are missing the world around you!" And from that day on, I walked with my group from Pulley dorm and I was checking out the world around me. I saw my Sigma friend every morning and he waved with this huge smile on his face....then one smile became 10.  Lol the brothers were scoping me out. Lol 

But the struggled continued....even though I became the life of many dances and danced with many Sigmas...even got up the nerves to go out on a date with one of their line brothers...my inner me almost paralyzed my life. The twists and turn of the life of the young lady Jamita.

SN: I so wanted to be a Zeta at State, but guess what..so insecure that I didn't! 

Questions: What in you is causing you not to embrace your destiny and move form one place to the next? Have your inner you paralyzed you to the point that you have become complacent in less than striving for more?

Take 7 coming very soon

Take 5

Jeremiah 29:11

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Failed test....not the first and sho' nuff not the last. This Christian life took me through so many ups and downs. After that journal entry, I didn't look very saved on the outside. How many of you now the outer doesn't show the real you most times? Thank GOD because if you knew me just by the outer, you would have said that I needed a rebirth into the faith. 

Let's forward to my last year in high school:
1. I loss friends that I had grown up with from grade school....another transition and cement walls being built.

2. I became a loner. Not good for none of the parties involved. Here is where I found myself in a dark place. Guilt set in and hurt mounted. I hate thinking about it, but to those who read this be encouraged that if you have given your life to CHRIST then HE will not let you stay in darkness....moving right along

3. My mouth became a weapon...literally..I, Jamita, would cuss you out and speak so low to you that it would take a lifetime to build you back up. And what was so messed up about that was that I purposed to hurt a person, if they did or said anything against me. I meant when I wrote in my journal that I was never going to be hurt by people again & that I would hurt first. Oh I meant it.

4. Now this is the kicker, I finally gave in to peer pressure and gave it up at 18(to the young man that would be my husband two years later)....I know...I wasn't giving it up unless I was married..I lied. My decision was made on the grounds of I didn't want to go off to college a virgin. Truth be told I should have kept my business to myself(nothing I ever expected..not memorable at all)! SN: If you are a virgin, stay that way until marriage(there's a reason why GOD made it for that covenant)!!!

This brings us up to the young lady to the young woman journey. Really where was Jamita headed? She is in another transition? Can she love? Can she forgive? Can she allow the spirit(the real her) rule her? Has the walls brought her to a place of no return? Well, you will have to keep reading to find out.

Question: Have you ever loss your way on your faith walk? Was it hard to come back to GOD?

Take 6 coming soon

Take 4

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Oh how awesome it was and is to hear from MY FATHER!!! At the tender age of 12, I gave my life(all of me) to GOD. I was saved that night in my secret place and on that following Sunday, I went up and took the chair before the world to become baptized. I was not playing about my new found worth and I believed GOD that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. My mustard seed faith was rapidly growing. I felt I could take on the world with GOD on my side. I was still scared, but it didn't show on the outside. My emotions had not yet caught up with the renewed man yet. Look at your neighbor and say "but GOD knew my heart". Glory!!!

Let me give you a few inserts of the next several years of my life that are needed to understand where this journey is going:

Ages 12-13: Jamita had found her worth because her Heavenly Father had assured her she was one of a kind. This young girl became a student of the Holy Ghost. She found herself reading her bible when the other kids where outside playing. Ok GOD this a bit unusual for a girl this age, but this wasn't just an ordinary girl(remember that). 

SN: Jamita was raised traditional Baptist..only the sanctified folk talked about the Holy Ghost. Which meant again, she was treading on unusual ground according to her upbringing. LORD WILL JAMITA MAKE IT TO ADULTHOOD ON THE PATH SHE WAS TAKING.(Keep on the journey you will see where Jamita didn't stay on common ground much!)

Ages 14-15: Jamita began to feel out of place again because her body didn't develop with all the other girls....oh and whoever said "the curse" was a welcome to womanhood could have kept that welcome wagon!!! Yea, I know life comes through the blood, but tell that to a teenager that is just trying to live. Oh my, the wives tales that I was told by my Madear and Momma....almost sent me into hiding. I had just come to start blossoming in my faith...LORD HELP ME!!

SN: during the natural maturing, Jamita matured spiritually. This young teenager wanted everyone to know about her GOD! She even held session with close friends to get them saved. This is the season she was named "bossy". Ok she was a bit radical with her faith, but her compassion drove her to be a bit forceful...."Give your life to CHRIST TODAY or die in your sins..it's your choice, but I've told you!" Forgive the teenage Jamita LORD, but I think some of those same friends are saved today for that "bossy" teenager. Lol and some have converted from different religions to Christianity because of that untactful teenager. Reading old journals..I'm surprised I wasn't stoned on the playground..lol

Ages 16-17: Introduced a whole new set of problems for Jamita...my body has blossomed beautiful, but there were no guys beating my door down. Those that I heard liked me were friends and I valued friendship like I valued family...so NO chance there. What happened to "fearfully and wonderfullymade?" Then peer pressure..."why haven't you been with a guy...what's wrong with you...if you were giving it up then guys would like you...you're cute from the eyes down, but your lips kind of take away from that, but if you were giving it up".....oh how I cried in my secret place...JESUS JESUS WHY WHY WHY ME!!! I found myself in a bad place....(a complete cement wall was built overnight)

SN: entry from this young lady's journal:
April 19th Dear GOD the words I'm about to write are not words of a Christian and please forgive me on the front end, but I gotta be real...I will never be hurt by another person again....I'm not going to allow anyone to get close enough to me to be in that position again and bet on this I will hurt them before they can hurt me!!!! If a guy want me, marry me. I ain't giving up jack!! F them!! 
Your daughter

I told y'all to have an openminded. I'm totally trippin' ...I signed your daughter!! Lol nothing about that said GOD'S Daughter, but "In The Mist Of It All" HE knew my heart(through the hurt, rubbish, wall, crippling words)! HE knows yours too!

Question: Have you ever come to a crossroad in your faith and instead of doing what was right you succumbed to your emotions? Failed test

Take 5 tomorrow

Take 3

Jeremiah 29:11

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹¹ For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

Well morning came and I'm still here...

I realized that I was stuck with this name, this body and this life. Ok GOD, I guess it's me and you. Please help me..since YOU won't rescue me from all of this. And at that very moment, GOD gave me a WORD that saved my life. HE SAID, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made!"  I, Jamita Renepte Townsend, believed the WORDS OF MY DADDY and began to see myself as HE saw me. At the tender age of 12, I finally saw my worth.

When I realized that it was not in the name I was given, the body I was given nor the life that I was given, but in all reality THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER PERSON ON THE EARTH LIKE ME.....GOD took out the time to make only ONE ME....wow really? I must be special not just to my parents, but to GOD....WOW!!! Knowing this at 12(the most awkward age there is...I think), made my life worth living. Now did the insecurities leave.."No!", but I could deal with life a little better. Thank YOU DADDY! YOU really love me! When I question my self worth, I will remember YOUR words to me from this day forward....oh how my heart filled with joy and the tears fell because my life was worth living..."In The Mist Of It All"!!!

In the days to come that will transition this young girl into a lovely lady, prayer & constant intimacy with THE FATHER will be surely required!! Tests and trials will come to shake the very words that saved her....now the question is will Jamita the lovely lady become bitter from the storms ahead? Hold on to your seats because the journey takes a few turns and curves....will she holdfast to her GOD and HIS WORD or will she turn back to building walls? Hold on before you jump to conclusions, remember just because you may know her or think you're pretty clever, take this journey with an openmind because it may not be as obvious as it seems. 

Questions: Has GOD saved your life by speaking  just A WORD? 

Take 4 tomorrow 

Take 2

Jeremiah 29:11 I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.(the message translation)

Here goes everything:

Questioning my existence...."Really GOD? YOU give me this name, this body, this life and leave me to figure out what? That people are cruel to me because I am not pretty...that this name I've been given is unusual and people think a ugly name for an ugly girl....that the parents you gave me couldn't be rich so I could be in the in crowd.......GOD WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LIKE THIS?"

Yea I know people had/have bigger problems, but remember this is my journey and those problems were big to me as a little girl. You know how I know because as this little girl grows into a woman, she still wrestled with the same problems. Keep walking with me and you will see that if problems are not addressed, I don't care how much JESUS you think you have in you, your past problems can and will hold you bound from understanding that JESUS LIVES IN YOU AND THAT HE HAS CONQUERED ALL YOUR FEARS AND DOUBTS In The Mist Of It All!!

I, Jamita, took it upon myself at a young age to seek out the meaning of my name. Uhhhh can someone say TO NO AVAIL!!! Not a meaning....oh come on....No destiny? No origin? I felt lower that day than I had ever felt in my life. Mind you, there was no computer in the home. Which meant, I had me a few baby books and even looked through encyclopedias(don't laugh...some of us do know what those are). I searched, but found nothing. Oh did I cry & oh so heart broken(This was the day my first brick was laid for the wall that was about to be built in my young life.) My heart weeps...take me GOD...YOU alone understands this person YOU'VE created...singing JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO...oh but this little girl named Jamita couldn't feel HIS love right then...just let me not wake in the morning

Question  Have you ever asked GOD to take you home before your life was complete?

Take 3 tomorrow

Take 1

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts I think towards you said the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expectant end.


Well at one point in my life, I had no clue what this scripture really meant. But if you allow me to express myself, than you will see this scripture become alive in my journey. Get the Kleenex and weep with me...but know as you take this journey with me there are some triumphant times that your and mine tears will be indeed tears of joy!!! Here goes everything:

I was born Jamita Renepte Townsend...yea I know the name uhhh was unusual and I wanted to change it when I became old enough to do so. My thought was why this odd name. Well I couldn't do to much about it, but live with it until I GOT OLD ENOUGH TO CHANGE IT! What was I going to change it to you ask....I don't know...it just didn't fit me and I didn't fit it.

Yea I know you're thinking...simple problem...we all go through not fitting in. Well remember this is my journey and when we reached the present then you will understand why the problem I had was not so simple after all.

Remember I said the name didn't fit me and I didn't fit it? Well let me tell you this was an unusual name for an unusual little girl. Unusual yes...uncommon, rare(truth be told I didn't get me either)...
1. GOD gives me this out of this world name(if you find the meaning let me know)
2. I had an oval face, thick eyebrows, long lashes, skinny legs, booty, and "big lips"(an insulting name that was given to me by some evil lil kids)
3. Soft heart(cried a lot in my secret place)
4. This was the kicker....I was never a follower no matter how hard I tried to be with the in crowd...it wasn't happening(why GOD..all I wanted to be was cool..whatever that meant)
5. Here's the unusual thing....I prayed for the people who hurt me at a young tender age(what is really going on all I wanted was somebody to beat them up so I wouldn't be upset to go to school or scared..gosh)

I didn't understand why I had been chosen for the life I was living....why didn't my parents have enough money so that I could dress like the cool kids and maybe that would've helped me not stand out so much.....OH GOD HELP THIS YOUNG GIRL NAMED JAMITA ACCEPT WHO YOU MADE HER TO BE!!! Tears

Question: have you ever questioned your existence? If so, please continue to take this journey with me. I promise you GOD KNOWS THE THOUGHTS HE THINKS TOWARDS YOU!!! And they are all good!!!!

Part 2 tomorrow